Monday, July 06, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
My First Souvenir
My unwanted souvenir from the Beehive State. A boulder found it's way to my windshield thanks to a semi truck.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Day 2
This is Four Corners where if you stand, or lay (as many preferred) in the center, you'll literally be in four states at once. Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona.
Monday, June 08, 2009
From the Lone Star State into the Land Of Enchantment.Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Road Trip
I'll be on my way this weekend. I still have so much to do before I go, procrastinator that I am.
After driving across the Lone Star State I'll be entering the Land Of Enchantment, where I'll stay my first night in it's largest city. Then heading to the four corners where I'll drive through The Centennial State briefly before entering The Beehive State where I'll be staying near it's capital for about a week. After which I'll be off to the The Silver State where I'll stay on the strip of it's largest and brightest city for a few nights. Okay, that's a lot of driving. Thankfully my friend S is flying in the night before I leave to do the road trip with me. I know, way cool, thanks S! Now where was I? Oh yeah, I'm now heading to The Golden State where I'll be staying in several different cities. Can't wait to see the beautiful Pacific Ocean again!
The return trip is a straight shot east through The Grand Canyon State and The Land Of Enchantment back into the Lone Star State.
I'll try to post pictures from each state while I'm there.
Now where did I put that to do list?
After driving across the Lone Star State I'll be entering the Land Of Enchantment, where I'll stay my first night in it's largest city. Then heading to the four corners where I'll drive through The Centennial State briefly before entering The Beehive State where I'll be staying near it's capital for about a week. After which I'll be off to the The Silver State where I'll stay on the strip of it's largest and brightest city for a few nights. Okay, that's a lot of driving. Thankfully my friend S is flying in the night before I leave to do the road trip with me. I know, way cool, thanks S! Now where was I? Oh yeah, I'm now heading to The Golden State where I'll be staying in several different cities. Can't wait to see the beautiful Pacific Ocean again!
The return trip is a straight shot east through The Grand Canyon State and The Land Of Enchantment back into the Lone Star State.
I'll try to post pictures from each state while I'm there.
Now where did I put that to do list?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
An Anniversary Story
A couple that happen to be very good friends of mine just had their 16th wedding anniversary. I agreed to have their party at my house. That was not a good idea. However, leave it to me not to figure that one out until after I said, "Yes."
Last month would have been my 25th and I had to be brain dead to think I could deal with this so soon like a grown-up. So...I make absolutely no preparations until the day of the party. I figured that if I didn't have time to think about it it would somehow be okay. Not.
First of all I did everything at the last minute so I was late getting back. Yes, you can be late to a party that is at your own home. Next, I didn't have time to cook what I promised so I bought it cooked. I really wanted to but every time I stayed home that day all I could do was cry. I figured if I was running all day doing everything last minute I wouldn't have time to do that. Wrong again. I cried in the car, at the grocery store, at M*acy's, at S*am's Club. All day, everywhere.
I get home, throw together the food I brought (thankfully others brought their "real food" all home made) greet a few guests and go in the bathroom to cry. Then I wash up, come out, greet more guests and the guests of honor and go outside and cry. Yeah, I'm feeling pretty dehydrated by now. Then after about a half hour I go back inside and pretty much keep it together the rest of the night.
I don't think the guests of honor were aware of this. At least, I hope not.
It was a nice party and they are a great couple.
The worst part of it for me isn't how sad I was or how empty I felt remembering my better half...it was the guilt. I felt/ feel so guilty for ruining it. Even if no one else noticed. I did. I feel so selfish for thinking of myself and my loss when this is such a special day for them. I feel like a selfish teenager. Yes, an everything is always about me, teenager.
It's only been six months since I lost him but shouldn't I at least be able to control when and where I fall apart? I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable around me. It was so different when I lost my daughter. I felt entitled to grieve when and where ever I needed to. It was my right. She was my baby. After all, not many people know what it feels like to hold your newborn in your arms and watch helplessly while she dies. It is my right. But, many people have lost their spouses. They survive. It makes me feel like I don't have the right to grieve when and where I need to. Like I should quit whining.
I did kind of make up for it by buying them way cool gifts.
I just feel so selfish. Selfish, sad and empty.
Last month would have been my 25th and I had to be brain dead to think I could deal with this so soon like a grown-up. So...I make absolutely no preparations until the day of the party. I figured that if I didn't have time to think about it it would somehow be okay. Not.
First of all I did everything at the last minute so I was late getting back. Yes, you can be late to a party that is at your own home. Next, I didn't have time to cook what I promised so I bought it cooked. I really wanted to but every time I stayed home that day all I could do was cry. I figured if I was running all day doing everything last minute I wouldn't have time to do that. Wrong again. I cried in the car, at the grocery store, at M*acy's, at S*am's Club. All day, everywhere.
I get home, throw together the food I brought (thankfully others brought their "real food" all home made) greet a few guests and go in the bathroom to cry. Then I wash up, come out, greet more guests and the guests of honor and go outside and cry. Yeah, I'm feeling pretty dehydrated by now. Then after about a half hour I go back inside and pretty much keep it together the rest of the night.
I don't think the guests of honor were aware of this. At least, I hope not.
It was a nice party and they are a great couple.
The worst part of it for me isn't how sad I was or how empty I felt remembering my better half...it was the guilt. I felt/ feel so guilty for ruining it. Even if no one else noticed. I did. I feel so selfish for thinking of myself and my loss when this is such a special day for them. I feel like a selfish teenager. Yes, an everything is always about me, teenager.
It's only been six months since I lost him but shouldn't I at least be able to control when and where I fall apart? I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable around me. It was so different when I lost my daughter. I felt entitled to grieve when and where ever I needed to. It was my right. She was my baby. After all, not many people know what it feels like to hold your newborn in your arms and watch helplessly while she dies. It is my right. But, many people have lost their spouses. They survive. It makes me feel like I don't have the right to grieve when and where I need to. Like I should quit whining.
I did kind of make up for it by buying them way cool gifts.
I just feel so selfish. Selfish, sad and empty.
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