Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
Thursday, September 04, 2008
I've always liked my name and 'thought' it was unique.
Do you like your name?
If you could choose your own name what would it be?
Monday, September 01, 2008
1 | Do you feel as though a higher entity/supreme being/energy force has a presence in your life? What do you call it, and what makes you feel it exists?
Absolutely. I call it Jehovah. Creation itself in addition to things that happen everyday.
2 | Describe, in a word or two, the nature of your spiritual self before and then after the loss of your baby/babies.
3 | Do you pray, even if you wouldn’t call it praying? To whom? What for?
Yes. For and about anything and everything I can think of.
4 | Is there a particular line of scripture/teaching/sentiment that you find particularly helpful? Or is there one that’s commonly referred to but is unhelpful?
Helpful...there are so many scriptures, but I'll narrow it down to Psalm 27:1, Revelations 21:4 and Acts 24:15. My Favorite saying is "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
5 | Did your faith offer rites, rituals or teachings that acknowledged your baby and your healing? If not (or if you didn't seek it out in an organized fashion), what rites, rituals or mantras have you adopted as your own?
The teaching of the resurrection has helped me profoundly. I look forward to the day that I will hold my daughter in my arms again and have the opportunity to raise her with great expectation. Also, my memorial garden and keeping her memory alive has been comforting.
6 | Some people say that in a foxhole, there are no atheists. You’ve been in a foxhole. Discuss.
I've never been in a foxhole.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
A few days later he had a follow-up with his Pediatrician, still had a fever, still no symptoms. A few days after that STILL no symptoms and a low grade fever. She sent him for a series of blood tests. Next day he had to repeat the tests so she could verify the results and see in what direction they were going. This time he has an ear infection. Relief, there's finally a reason for a fever.
Results are in, here's where it gets ugly...He is now referred to a Pediatric Hematologist Oncologist. It seems that because of the results of his blood tests it may be a virus (more than likely) but it could also be Leukemia. I felt as if she punched me with that word, I couldn't breath and I certainly couldn't swallow down the lump in my throat. It was the one year anniversary of my mothers death. Admittedly not knowing much about it, all I could think is that I could not lose him, not another one, not now. Yes, I do know that's jumping the gun but I wasn't using my perceptive powers of reasoning at the time.
There you go...I wasn't sure how or even if I should post this but it's done and now you know. I do believe that this is just a virus, a strange, rare one but just a virus. I pray everyday that it is. I haven't been able to discuss it with most of my real life friends but I could blog it...go figure.
*Updated to add: The results are in and he DOES NOT HAVE LEU*KEMIA! Thank you for your comments.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
I have had so many posts in my head that never found there way here. Now they're gone.
My best friend just lost her grandmother.
My other best friend and her family came to visit from California. For a whole week I had a two month old:)
My 17 year old is now Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde.
Sometimes my grief and memories are like a butterfly that caught a breeze and float by so effortlessly and beautifully that all I can do is smile. Sometimes it hits like a truck manned by a reckless driver who doesn't care when and where he strikes. Lately its the latter.
Three women in my bible study group are pregnant. They say its my water. I wish.
I always read you're blogs, even when I don't comment or post.
I want to buy one of these.
I still feel like I'm in a fog a lot of the time. Remembering my moms words describing herself...I think it might be menopause.
I love getting mail. I just do. Some of my recent mail treasures are souvenirs from Niobe, (Thank you, I love them!) surprise packages from Jen (Thanks, I love them too!) and letters from my nephews in California.
I went to Sea World (yay!) and had heatstroke (boo!)
My memorial garden looks like a miniature forest. I trimmed back my oregano and rosemary plants. I offered the trimmings to the neighbors and everyone wanted fresh oregano but no takers for the rosemary. I also got rid of three bags of morning glory vines that thought they owned the entire garden. They were thrown in the trash, their punishment for trying to choke out every other living thing in their path. I kept all the basil. Newly planted there are two mexican birds of paradise. One for my grandmother and one for my uncle. I was happy to see a hummingbird hungrily lunging at my bleeding hearts.
A very sweet friend of mine is going through a very hard time and it makes my heart so sad for her.
I have just introduced my children to Gilligan's Island. I rented the series from netflix. They love the show.
I wish I could something that makes a difference.
My husband and my six year old are playing their new wii game, Indiana Jones. I can hear them arguing and playing and can't tell which is the six year old.
I miss my baby girl so, so much. And my mom too.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Five minutes later another woman came up to me, complimented me on my children and asked how many I had. Without hesitation I replied, "Five."
In consistency I'm lacking, though in love for my baby girl I never waiver.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
My youngest (living) daughter picked the middle of this time to lose her mind. In the process this rebellious, seventeen year old bag of raging hormones with a bionic mouth almost made me lose mine as well. Oh well, c'est la vie.
Now that I can focus again I want to congratulate Niobe for her limerick chick award I love her winning entry!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
My Father-in-law died two days ago. He had been sick for quite some time. He knew it was coming and said what he wanted said. He lived in Taiwan (he was military and his second wife is from there) so we met only once. We kept in touch and were close. He was a good man. I miss him.
The flu has taken up residence here! My older kids brought it home from school (of course.) It has infected the majority of our family and several friends. Yesterday I couldn't get my temperature under 103 until evening. When "Little One" had it I thought he would quit breathing every time he coughed. My poor husband has to go to work with it. You would think that they wouldn't want it to spread. Unfortunately what's on their minds is that he has no more sick leave and they need him there.
I hope you're all staying healthy!