Saturday, November 11, 2006


I remember when I couldn't think of her without sobbing. I cried when I saw a baby, a little girl, a pregnant woman, a baby item, when I heard certain songs, etc. I love her just as much if not even more now, yet... I can think of her and smile. Sometimes my smile comes through tears, but sometimes its just a smile. Time does help. I'm thankful.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Hospital Pictures

When I was in the hospital, after my daughter died, the nurse came in to take her. She mentioned that they were going to take her "Hospital baby pictures." I thought that taking the picture of a baby, who was dead, was morbid. I said no. She tried to convince me otherwise, saying I would want them "Later". Absolutely not! Though I didn't remember this conversation, until a few years later. Taken the circumstances, I'm not suprised. I was very upset that she had even suggested it. I felt it was a violation of our intimate situation. About a year and a half later I heard that this was routine in many hospitals. My husband had taken a couple when she was alive, but not nearly as many as I wished he had. I contacted the hospital to see if it was done. They assured me that it was routine. I couldn't wait to have them in my hands. Pictures of my very much missed baby girl. After about five months of their tracking her file, it's found! And to my dissapointment it contained no pictures. It was noted that I had refused and they could do nothing. I very much regret not having them. I found out later that they never ask they just do it, and six months to a year later offer you the picures. This makes so much more sense. Given your emotional (not to mention physical) condition at the time, what do they expect? A rational answer? If you don't know if the hospital took pictures or not, call them and ask. You may not be ready to see them for a while but at least you'll know they're there.