Wednesday, September 26, 2007


I remember when I was a kid and I could trust completely.

The kind of trust that would let me close my eyes turn around and just fall back. I knew that the person I trusted (mom, dad, friend, etc.) would catch me. I never doubted it. So I fell.

Back when I thought that every woman could become pregnant. When I though that every pregnancy resulted in a live, take-home baby. When I thought that my parents would never die. When I thought that my friends and family would always live close by. Back when I would have never thought that an entire month (or two) of every single year could send you back to square one in the grieving process.

Sometimes it's not so easy to just fall. To close my eyes and know that someone will catch me and help me back to my feet. I guess I know better now. So I stand. I stand and keep going and try to extend a hand along the way.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

My Bad

My doctor said that my baby would not be born alive.

Then she said that if she was born alive, it would be for only a few breaths.

I asked if she could be put on a respirator ( or ANYTHING) to help her.

She said no.

She said that if I made them do that, it would only be further trauma to my baby and her few minutes (if that) of life.

She said she had ABSOLUTELY no chance of survival.

I couldn't further traumatize her.

Not with NO chance of survival.

I loved her too much.

After all, she was only 21 weeks and six days gestation.

Thankfully her doctor didn't feel the same.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Thinking of AngelMom
and Baby Girl S G today.

Friday, September 14, 2007


Cyber schmyber, a friend is a friend.

I haven't been able to focus long enough to write lately. Even when I want to write down what I'm feeling it just doesn't translate to written word well. It's like a fog or a blur. There is however one thing that's clear...You guys are great!

When I read your comments, I feel better. I really do. The sincere concern that you show cheers me up. No, I'm not a hermit without real life friends. It's just that you don't know me and have nothing to lose or gain...and still, you comment. I just want you all to know that it means a lot to me.

Enough with the mush. Here's what you are in different languages.

Which one do you like?

Albanian -- mik
Afrikaans - vriend
Chinese - péngyou
Dutch - vriend, vriendje
Danish - ven
Estonian - sõber
French - ami
German - freund
Georgian - megobari
Hungarian - barát
Indian - dost
italian - amico
Irish - cara
Japanese -- tomodachi
korean -- jingu
Latin -- amicus
Manx -- carrey
Old English -- freond, wine
Persian -- dust
Russian -- prijátel
Sanskrit -- mitra
-- amigo
Swahili -- rafiki
Turkish -- dost,arkadas

Another Haiku Friday

I guess this is life-
We are born to slowly die.
So why does it hurt?

My miracle boy.
Sometimes I still can't believe,
Your here and alive!

My sweet baby girl,
I couldn't keep you alive.
I'm sorry I failed-

Haiku Friday

Friday, September 07, 2007

Haiku Friday

She really is gone-
My heart is afraid to cry,
It may never stop.

Haiku Friday